Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I puked a lego.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
