Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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