You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
