i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
