You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
