I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
