no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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