Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
