I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
