Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
