he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
