But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
