its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
