I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
