They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
