I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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