Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just pee around me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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