I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
