Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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