Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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