Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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