he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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