my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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