I faked an abortion last night.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
