haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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