your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Pants 0. Shit 1.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
