I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
