He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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