Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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