she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
