so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
