Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
