The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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