Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
