I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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