Need sex. Gaining weight.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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