3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
