True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
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The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
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My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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