The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Less talking, more tequila
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
