I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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