Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I party with great urgency now.
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