That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
