I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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