im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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