ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
