I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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