and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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