you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
