just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
