i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
