I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
