Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
