just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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