thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
