Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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