evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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