forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
