so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
