my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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