I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
