I puked a lego.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
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My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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