I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
