i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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