Christians are straight up FREAKS
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
