He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
