my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she smelled like a LAN party
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
