she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
