LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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